How Did I Get Here?
Surgery, therapy, reclaiming my creativity, and a social media detox
It is now the middle of August, and the last post I made was in January. A lot has been going on, but I didn't have anything to say that I felt anyone wanted to read. So many people are thriving on this platform, and meanwhile, I felt like I was just writing for my seven loyal readers — which, honestly, I love. We stan an exclusive audience. I wanted this to be where I found my footing. Instagram and TikTok don’t feel like my place to express myself on at the moment, or at least how I want to show up; maybe I put too much pressure on myself to make myself known in this world (life of a recovering showgirl, am I right?). More about social media later, let’s take it back to February.
My Fibroid Surgery
Last year or so, I have been dealing with a lot of health issues, gut problems, horrible periods to the point I looked pregnant all the time. When a scare in the middle of the night occurred and I thought I had a ruptured ovarian cyst, I called my OB-GYN and was able to get checked out. He said, “Good news, you have no cyst, bad news, your fibroid has doubled in size.” He did proceed to tell me it would be best if I thought about getting this removed. Many doctors don’t listen to their patients, so I am grateful mine was so proactive. For those who don’t know, Fibroids are benign tumors found in a woman’s uterus. Not every woman gets them, but they are very common, especially among Black Women, and can cause hormonal issues and trouble conceiving. I had my surgery on February 13th, and it was a success. I was so, so nervous to the point my anxiety was through the roof. He was able to remove the fibroid laparoscopically, and I spent the night in the hospital. From there, I recovered at home, where I was forced to lie in bed for a week straight. I already felt 100x better. I had no more nausea when I slept or throughout the day, like I did before the surgery. But as I recovered, there was something I had been putting off for a while.. therapy.
My Therapy Journey
During a popcast recording with my bestie/co-host, Kellianne, I broke down after, and I was feeling so lost. She looked at me and said, “ You gotta talk to someone.” She said it in a way that shook me to the core, to the point I knew I needed to take action. She had told me this before, but I never acted on it. This time felt different. I managed to schedule my first session towards the end of my first week of recovery from my surgery. My only requirement was that the therapist was Black and a Christian. Some might roll their eyes, but to me, it was important to talk to someone who looked like me and believed in the same things as me. I talked about my past traumas dealing with certain people in the dance industry, and peeled back layers that I never knew were there. One session, I flat-out asked her if I was depressed, and she answered, “Yes, you are.” I wasn’t afraid of what she said; I was relieved. Knowing what I had felt for a good while had a name, and I could address it. So far, I have been speaking to her every week, and it has helped me more than you could imagine. While doing therapy, a part of me was left on a shelf for a long time. My creativity.
Starting Art Again
I was scrolling on TikTok and I came across Dianna Cohen’s video talking about The Artist Way. I had the book on my shelf for a few years. I ordered it back during the pandemic and never felt the need to do it right away, until this year. One of the rules is that you have to take yourself out on an artist date by yourself. It could be anything. I knew I wanted to get into an art class again. I did art throughout my entire childhood up until college. I missed it; it was my first true love, and along with therapy, I felt like it would be a nice thing to do in tandem. I found a local art class that offers private lessons, and I made my first appointment. I had no idea what to expect or if I would pick it right back up or not. Slowly but surely, my instincts were still there. My teacher, Jay, was impressed by my natural ability and said I had the potential to be a great artist. So far, I have painted 2 paintings, currently working on my first commissioned piece for a friend’s 40th Birthday. I learned basic drawing, shapes, and even took a pottery class.
In both art and therapy, a theme kept surfacing: control. I’m a firstborn daughter, a former professional dancer, a type A perfectionist control freak—so yes, that tracks. Jay has taught me so much about not diving too deep into details. Which is hard for a person who notices every detail everywhere. I learned how to mimic what I saw very well from my dancing. It is the one hobby I have right now that I have an hour not on my phone. For someone who is grossly addicted to their phone, it was time for a much-needed social media detox.
No Social Media August
This is something I have been needing to do for years now, but too afraid of not being in the know or having FOMO. This stemmed from my very first migraine that happened at the beginning of the month. I hadn’t been sleeping and was having horrible tension headaches. I was constantly scrolling in the morning in bed and before I went to sleep. My work was even suffering—it was bad. So after I was in bed and couldn’t move, I said, “Enough is enough”. I went cold turkey. I made that annoying Instagram post people do, saying I need a break, and I dipped. The first few days felt like I was a crackhead detoxing. I noticed how much I was reaching for my phone during the day. It was a good wake-up call for me. I have gotten more done, I am more productive, and my sleep is finally back. Starting in September, there will need to be some strong boundaries for me, but I am so proud of myself for doing this.
What I’m Loving
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Biography by Amy Odell. It is to die for. I am a GP stan, and she writes about her like a real person—flaws and all. It is a must-read!
The Gilded Age may be over, but I cannot stop thinking about it. One of the best shows on HBO MAX.
Tracee Ellis Ross’s Show: Solo Traveling: It is on the Roku Channel—I loved it! If you are single in your 30s, 40s, or 50s. I think everyone should watch it.
Dua Lipa’s IG is one of the best follows imo. I’ve been a die-hard fan of hers since the beginning. When I lived in LA, she used to come to my fitness studio I worked at and she was so kind and cool. The girl just lives her best life all the time, and honestly, I liveeee for it. She is who I think every pop girly should be.
Nicolandria has taken the world by storm this summer on Love Island US, and all I have to say, I was shipping those two since day one. I cannot get enough of them.
What I’m Excited About
Mary Phillips’ new line a Sephora. I cannot wait to get my hands on that pallet.
Season 2 of With Love, Meghan, August 26th! I am a ride or die, day one, Tig era Meghan fan. I am so excited to see my sis continue to make the haters twist themselves into pretzels.
Caught Stealing, starring Austin Butler and Zoë Kravitz coming out at the end of the month. Everyone who knows me, Austin is my celebrity crush, so I will be sprinting there. Zoë has been someone for me that I have gradually become a fan of. I think it started with Big Little Lies, and I haven’t let go of her since! Rumors are they have been hooking up, and by the looks of the clips and the pap shots I saw during filming, they have incredible chemistry, so I will allow it.
TS 12! I am no Swifty, but I did go to Era’s to watch my bestie on tour with her. I always have great respect for Taylor. Reputation is my favorite album of hers, but 1989 is her best work, imo. I am excited to see a fully Max Martin-produced album. I am a pop girl to my core, so I am praying for some decent bops.
XX,
Lindsey
Proud of you! Keep up good work!
Important things here 🫶🏼✨ self care, talking to someone, boundaries with your self and those pesky habits 🙌🏼✨🙏🏼